ours

From the moment we brought him home we broke the cardinal rule of foster care and fell in love with him. He was ours. As time went on nothing pointed to the contrary. Birth mom was uninterested and the "family" member was in the background but the indication from all involved was that it was just procedure and not a real possibility. Months passed and nothing changed, he continued to grow in our home and in our hearts. The longer we had him the more evident it became that he belonged to us and was our son. Then the call came unexpected they would be removing him from our home the next day.

How it all started

A few years ago we felt God was calling us to grow our already (by today's standards) large family. When God called us to adopt through foster care we knew it would be a test of the heart. After our son was removed from our home (more on that later) I struggled with how to deal with the grief. I googled, searched library records, christian bookstores, anywhere I could think of searching for any words of comfort or answers to what I was feeling. I found nothing. There were lots of books on dealing with grief of the death of a child and while I felt similar to that loss it was also much different and no one seemed to understand the difference or what I was feeling. The comments we received were less than helpful and sometimes downright rude. For future reference comments about God saving us from future heartache because he was not like us is not helpful. I was not in a place to want to hear that God had a plan it sounded so shallow and I felt that if one more person quoted Jeremiah 29:11 I would break. People who grieve the death of a child grieve their own loss. But that was not how I felt. My grief was for my son. For the hurt and confusion he must be feeling, being riped away from the only mom, dad and family he had ever known and be placed with a strange person who had no connection at all even biological. My grief was for the life style he would now live in. One of no hope in a society and living situation where kids goals are to not get arrested or pregnant before 15. Where the high school graduation rate is less than 10%. I know that Gods plans of hope for a future and to prosper apply to me but how can that apply to my son when his situation seems so hopeless.