As we get closer to baby g becoming part of our family we are finding that some family is not quite as supportive as they originally seemed. Quiet comments about how our bio children seem to have to take on to much responsibility because of baby or are missing out or get less attention. Implied suggestions that we don't have to go through with it or we can just give him back and get back to our "normal" lives. It's not like those thoughts haven't crossed our minds a time or two but in the midst of the chaos it is not the encouragement we need. Doing what is right is not always what feels good or is easy. Don't get me wrong we love baby g and consider it a blessing and honor to be his parents right now. but there are times it is hard, when life before seemed less stressful. when the guilt of feeling like the older kids are not getting enough attention, when date night is cancelled because respite feel through or nights together after the kids are in bed is put on hold or cancelled altogether because baby woke up crying for no reason.
But when things get hard I remember that we are doing this for a reason and that baby g was placed in our family and it is up to God to decide for how long.
We are to gracefully remind our family that this is not a fade we will grow out of and that if baby g does in fact become a permanent part of our family he will be be a part of our family in all ways.
if anyone has ever had to deal with this issue I would love some feed back
on how you handled it.
Hey,
ReplyDeleteI wanted to reach out to you. I have been fostering since this past May. Recently, I sat down with my 10 year old foster daughter and confessed to her that I knew this process was hard for her, and I confessed that it was very hard for me too because I love her and someday I might have to give her back and that this would be so hard. I am so new to this process, and my situation is different from yours: I have no bilogical children of my own, only foster, and non have resutled in adoption yet. But I can resonate with feelings of wanting to back out when the chips hit the fan. I think that's totally normal. I also recognize that it stinks when family is less than supportive, even critical. Recently, my brother told me on the phone to hurry up and have my own kids because with fostering, the benefits don't outweigh the risks. That hurt so bad. I have two precious kids right now that are so good, not perfect of course, but I hate to think of them as risks that I'm taking to recieve some sort of payoff. I don't know where I'm going with this but I guess I just wanted to validate your feelings, and I know God will give you the courage and strength to carry on. It's so trite, but I think about the horror stories my 10 yo has told me about her other foster placements, and even though I have no control over her future, I have hope that her time with us was not wasted. We're not perfect, but I shudder to think she could have gotten a 3rd foster placement with another family like the first two. That's what keeps me going.