TPR!

Last I blogged we were starting visits again and biomom was given another chance. That didn't last long I think we only had 2 or 3 visits after that before she went AWOL again. Baby's  caseworker changed and on first impression we thought it would mean this new cw would start the whole process over again and give biomom and kin another go round. I think if it was totally up to him he would but luckily the supervisor and county attorney who have been involved with the case the whole time were ready to move on. At pre trial the county attorney called for TPR since neither bio parent had bothered to show. Judge agreed! Now we are just crossing our fingers hoping that a kin placement doesn't show up and make this a fight. We are so close to having this be over.

Baby is not a baby anymore he is getting so big his vocabulary grows by leaps and  bounds every day and he is constantly surprising us by what he understands and says. He fits in perfectly. We still have some issues if he is feeling abandoned but that has gotten better since visits have been non existent for a few months. Visits were so hard on him everything about his personality changed. He understood it so much more than I thought he did. His lovable silly personality changed to a insecure defiant little boy for days after a visit that he would spend the majority of the time screaming at and trying to leave. Sleepless nights were back and anytime we left his sight for even a moment a major meltdown ensued.  Watching what the system does to these little ones breaks my heart and I don't understand how they can think this is best for the child.

A family member ran into little man (our first placement ) I was sent a picture the sender thought it would make my day to see that little man was safe. it actually broke my heart because yes little man was physically safe I could still see the hurt in his eyes. So much miss trust showed. This should not be the look of a child only a few years old. He was no longer the carefree smiley baby of mine he was now a timid little boy with lots of hurt. It broke my heart...it breaks still.

Here we go again

After months of mourning and not sure we would be able to or want to do this again we put our name back on the placement list. A few weeks later we received a call needing placement of infant cousins. We said yes. Yes I think we were slightly insane at the time. It sounded like it would be a short term thing and we figured how hard could 2 be. We soon found out. Baby L was very sensitive to noise and became very irritated if he was over stimulated. That did not work well in our very loud very busy family so after 2 months of him being very unhappy and our family feeling stressed we asked that he be placed with a family that would be a better fit for him. Luckily mom was very close to completing her reunification plan and 3 weeks later Baby L got to go home. Baby G was very independent at 4 months old he didn't seem to need anything except to be fed. This was nice with baby L being very needy but was also very worrisome. After 2 months with us there are no more worries...at least for now about the Independence. He is now very healthily attached and dependent on us. We thought Baby G would be going home within just a few months but the longer we have him the longer it looks like we will have him. Bio mom has stopped showing up to visits. The case worker and GAL say that there is NO family members able to take him, but we know all to well that that can change at any time. We have been asked if we are interested in adoption but are not ready to make that commitment yet. We haven't even discussed it as a couple or family. I just don't think we are ready to put our hearts back out there yet. Baby G is growing and developing very well.  He is for the most part a very happy baby but sometimes he gets this very serious look and his eyes look so sad. Makes me wonder what happened to him in the first 4 months that would cause such a look.