Nothing

It has been almost 4 weeks since we were told visits would start back up but we haven't heard a thing since then. Nothing about visits, nothing about family...nothing. I wish I could say no news is good news but I know all to well that is not always the case so we will continue to wait for any news.

On another note our case worker asked if we would consider another placement apparently there are quite a few babies in the system right now they are trying to get placed with foster to adopt families including a set of twins.
It was harder than I expected to say no. Some days I am so done with the system but other days when the drama seems so mild I can't help but think of all the little ones that need someone to love them.

vistis to start again!?!?!?!?

Really? here we go again.
Bio-mom is back in the picture. She contacted the case worker last week asking for visits to start up again. Baby G has not seen her in over 3 months! and the last round of visits did not go very well he cried the entire 2 visits. Permanency hearing is in December and we have been hoping they will call for termination which is what the case worker had been hinting at but of course now they have just learned about 2 "family" members that they now have to do due diligence in checking them and look at placing baby with them. Case worker promised us that if they did move baby they would make it a smooth long transition....as if that is supposed to make us feel better.

Things bio-mom has missed
-1st birthday
-baby has gone from walking to running
-baby loves to dance
-6 teeth and more coming
-first cold/fever
-first time seeing snow he stood at the window all morning watching it
-his laugh
-calling her mom

family

As we get closer to baby g becoming part of our family we are finding that some family is not quite as supportive as they originally seemed. Quiet comments about how our bio children seem to have to take on to much responsibility because of baby or are missing out or get less attention. Implied suggestions that we don't have to go through with it or we can just give him back and get back to our "normal" lives. It's not like those thoughts haven't crossed our minds a time or two but in the midst of the chaos it is not the encouragement we need. Doing what is right is not always what feels good or is easy. Don't get me wrong we love baby g and consider it a blessing and honor to be his parents right now.  but there are times it is hard, when life before seemed less stressful. when the guilt of  feeling like the older kids are not getting enough attention,  when date night is cancelled because respite feel through or nights together after the kids are in bed is put on hold or cancelled altogether because baby woke up crying for no reason.
But when things get hard I remember that we are doing this for a reason and that baby g was placed in our family and it is up to God to decide for how long.
We are to gracefully remind our family that this is not a fade we will grow out of and that if baby g does in fact become a permanent part of our family he will be be a part of our family in all ways.

if anyone has ever had to deal with this issue I would love some feed back
on how you handled it.

No visit today. That makes 2 missed visits. Not sure what to make if it considering I found out the reason was she is\was in jail :/
I'm sad for her. How messed up her life is that she can't even last a month out of rehab before getting in trouble. I'm not sure if I mentioned before but bio*mom is a previous foster kid that aged out of the system. So the fact that she is unstable really is not her fault...I know it is her choices that got her baby taken away but it was almost inevitable. How can she be expected to be stable when her whole life was completely unstable.

Visits

So 2 weeks ago we started visits back up at DPS after bio*mom left rehab. Baby G cried the entire time both visits. Both times bio-mom seemed very frustrated after each visit. We were supposed add another visit per bio-mom's request for more visits but they have been unable to confirm with her so we haven't started those yet. Visit today but mom was a no show no call. I am trying not to read into this but she was warned that 2 missed visits would result in visits being canceled until the caseworker reevaluated her treatment plan. I was more than happy to leave DPS with Baby and be able to have a happy baby for the weekend.

review

Yesterday was the review meeting. I decided just to call in. Mom has infact moved out of the rehab program against everyones recomendations. The case worker is not happy about her moving out and made it very clear to her during the meeting that this meant that baby would not be going home anytime soon. Mom obviously was not happy but apparently not enough to go back to rehab. So I guess we will just have to wait and see. Some days I am so done with the system I just want this to be over...whether he stays or goes home either way I just want this to be done. But then most days I hope that he gets to be part of our family. I know God has a plan I just hope that that plan is for this to be complete soon. Baby G will be our last foster baby our hearts and home just can't handle the rollercoaster ride anymore.

cancelled

Got a call as we were getting ready to head out tona visit. Bio*mom is no longer at the rehab house so no visit today....hmmm wonder what this means?