Our Story

Once upon a time I was mom to a beautiful baby boy. In my heart I am still his mom. I still worry if he is eating well or warm enough but I can't fix it if he is not. I pray for him every night but can no longer tuck him in and kiss his little head. So far this fairy tale has no happy ending. I pray that one day it will but for now my heart is to broken to see how it can. This is the past story and the continuing story of the joys and sadness we have experienced and continue to experience as we pursue adoption through foster care

Thursday, May 16, 2013

TPR!

Last I blogged we were starting visits again and biomom was given another chance. That didn't last long I think we only had 2 or 3 visits after that before she went AWOL again. Baby's  caseworker changed and on first impression we thought it would mean this new cw would start the whole process over again and give biomom and kin another go round. I think if it was totally up to him he would but luckily the supervisor and county attorney who have been involved with the case the whole time were ready to move on. At pre trial the county attorney called for TPR since neither bio parent had bothered to show. Judge agreed! Now we are just crossing our fingers hoping that a kin placement doesn't show up and make this a fight. We are so close to having this be over.

Baby is not a baby anymore he is getting so big his vocabulary grows by leaps and  bounds every day and he is constantly surprising us by what he understands and says. He fits in perfectly. We still have some issues if he is feeling abandoned but that has gotten better since visits have been non existent for a few months. Visits were so hard on him everything about his personality changed. He understood it so much more than I thought he did. His lovable silly personality changed to a insecure defiant little boy for days after a visit that he would spend the majority of the time screaming at and trying to leave. Sleepless nights were back and anytime we left his sight for even a moment a major meltdown ensued.  Watching what the system does to these little ones breaks my heart and I don't understand how they can think this is best for the child.

A family member ran into little man (our first placement ) I was sent a picture the sender thought it would make my day to see that little man was safe. it actually broke my heart because yes little man was physically safe I could still see the hurt in his eyes. So much miss trust showed. This should not be the look of a child only a few years old. He was no longer the carefree smiley baby of mine he was now a timid little boy with lots of hurt. It broke my heart...it breaks still.

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