review

Yesterday was the review meeting. I decided just to call in. Mom has infact moved out of the rehab program against everyones recomendations. The case worker is not happy about her moving out and made it very clear to her during the meeting that this meant that baby would not be going home anytime soon. Mom obviously was not happy but apparently not enough to go back to rehab. So I guess we will just have to wait and see. Some days I am so done with the system I just want this to be over...whether he stays or goes home either way I just want this to be done. But then most days I hope that he gets to be part of our family. I know God has a plan I just hope that that plan is for this to be complete soon. Baby G will be our last foster baby our hearts and home just can't handle the rollercoaster ride anymore.

cancelled

Got a call as we were getting ready to head out tona visit. Bio*mom is no longer at the rehab house so no visit today....hmmm wonder what this means?

Mom asked that I attend a review meeting the end of the month. I have never attended one of these in person, I always just call in for the 10min they need me to give an update. I think she has ulterior motives. I think she thinks that I will bring baby and she will be able to convince GAL and CW that the 2 months she's been clean and the 5 visits she has had are enough and she should be able to take baby home that day. 
Last time I talked to GAL she said to expect to have him another 6 months. I'm not sure how to do this for another 6 months baby is getting so attached and at almost 11 months is developing a personality and becoming such a part of our family. Not just our 'little' family of 6 but also our extended 'family' of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, church people and anyone else he comes in contact with on a regular basis. It breaks my heart to think that if when he goes back to bio-mom  he looses all of that love.

update on little man

A few months ago I was cleaning and ran across the phone # for little man's "aunt" (the "family" member he was places with) I left it sitting in my drawer for weeks trying to get up the nerve to call. I just wanted to know how he was. Finally I asked my husband to call and just see how he was doing. I was hoping for some closure. She wanted to do lunch and meet with us. We agreed and met her that weekend. He looked exactly the same just taller. He also didn't seem to have change developmentally except for he was walking. He wasn't feeding himself or talking or anything most healthy 18 month old boys do. She told us that he was diagnosed with sensory disorder (really? hmmm I think I told them that since he was 4 months old but what does a foster mom know) I also think he was showing strong signs of attachment disorder but what would you expect of a child being taken at 7 month old from his family and placed with a stranger who I am sure has know idea how to help a child create a healthy attachment. She spent some time talking about how she didn't want him but was forced by family and case workers to take him.
I still can't decide if this was closure or just drugging up more if only's. I have to look at it as closure or risk killing myself with the if only's.
I am not sure how much we will stay in contact. Her adoption of little man was finalized end of July.

awkward.

Visit today. poor baby G he is so confused. He screamed when the case worker took him from me. He has never done that before, even with strangers. Bio*mom brought him out to the car like she has done before and she usually just puts him in the carseat. But before she had a chance to put him in the car he lunged for me. Awkward. little nervous for next visit. Bio*mom has made it very clear that, 'she is mom. Mother and son bond can't be broken no matter what. I need to respect her as his mom and remember that I have nothing to do with his life.'