Our Story

Once upon a time I was mom to a beautiful baby boy. In my heart I am still his mom. I still worry if he is eating well or warm enough but I can't fix it if he is not. I pray for him every night but can no longer tuck him in and kiss his little head. So far this fairy tale has no happy ending. I pray that one day it will but for now my heart is to broken to see how it can. This is the past story and the continuing story of the joys and sadness we have experienced and continue to experience as we pursue adoption through foster care

Thursday, July 3, 2014

need to vent

I haven't written in a while but lattley I have felt the need to have an outlet to vent. The need to maybe find others that feel the same or go through the same struggles with their adopted kiddo. For those of you who fallowed my blog earlier or for those who go back to read the previous blogs I will finish the story that led to the adoption. but for now I am venting.
IT.IS. HARD.
I know that we were told it would be but nothing could have prepared us for just how hard. Most days I hate what drugs, alchohol, abandonment, neglect, who knows what else, and the system did to our son. Other days it goes beyond that to feeling helpless in not knowing how to deal with him and wishing we had never adopted. Then hating myself for feeling that way. I know it is not his fault, I know he is stuggleing but sometimes the upheavle his adoption has taken on our family doesn't seem worth it. The guilt overwhelms me at times that I did this to my kids that this was unfair to them.

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